Tell Me I’m Strong, Tell Me I’m Weak

Wake up one morning you realize
Your life is one big compromise
Stuck in the job you swore was only temporary

Feel like the world is passing you by
Never done all the things that you would need to try
Stuck in a place, got a pain in your face from all your stressin’ out

You ask yourself there’s got to be more than what I’m living for
You ask yourself there’s got to be something else,
something more, more, more!

Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste
Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you!

Feel like there’s nothing so let it go

You try and fight but you can’t let go
Roll the pain, got so much to gain
Now is the time

You ask yourself there’s got to be something else,
something more, more, more!

Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste
Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you

You ask yourself there’s got to be more than what I’m living for
You ask yourself there’s got to be something else,
something more, more, more

Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste
Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you

Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste

Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you

Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste
Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you

Just for today… I’ll let a song do the talking for me. For whatever reason I don’t feel like making a new resolution. Trying to be happy is enough for now.

This is going to be my last entry for this year. I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and I wish that wherever you are, happiness will find you.

I am Jack’s Sarcasm

I woke up with a headache. It felt like a hangover.. or something. Though don’t count on me on that one because I really don’t have any idea what a hangover feels like. I am such a God fearing goody two shoes I give myself a toothache every time I look into the mirror. HAH!

That “HAH!” probably came from the telepathic waves I picked up from my 2001-2002 readers because as much as I hate to admit it I haven’t always been THIS good as a person. There are things that I did in the past that I am not proud of… But I guess, everyone has skeletons in their closets… The only difference is my skeleton is safely tucked away in this big internet wayback machine closet. Haha.

Going back to the headache. I think I know what caused it… It’s Veronica Mars. You know you’re probably wondering what am I doing with Kristen Bell in her pre-Heroes day.. I don’t wanna tell ya but I guess it’s not that hard to crack that I am in training to be a “Volvo Driving Soccer Mom”. This must be something all soccer moms do in between bleaching their hair platinum blond and picking up their kids from school. Well, I think Soap Operas would be more appropriate but hell, my generation doesn’t have the stomach to stand all the huff puffing and big hairs! We need something “cool”. So popular teen series are “in”.

I have no idea what I am talking about. The lack of sleep does things to my brain. Well that, and malnutrition. I really have no idea what a soccer mom is. In my head the definition comes from that Everclear’s song. Well, it doesn’t seem like a fun thing to be. It just popped in my brain when I thought the word SARCASM.

God, I should stop falling in love with Chinese DVD sellers – I’ve already got Chinese in my blood, adding more won’t make my children any smarter. I should go for something far far away from the original bloodlines … let’s say… something like Mexican or Cuban or South African… at least if my kids didn’t turn out to be Einstein I could still make big bucks by signing them off to the RHINOS (no, not the Underground Organ Donation Organisation… I meant the football team? Okay you’ve never heard of the Sabahan’s team.. who could blame you? But we did win one of those National Premier League Trophy.. once … a long long time ago, remember?).

But really, it’s really hard to get on that “right-husband-to-be” track when all these DVD sellers keep selling me kickass tv series with kickass deals… I mean where in Sabah could you get the complete 3 season of Veronica Mars and Lost for less than a hundred buckaroos? Unless you married a Chinese Mafia there’s no chance stuff like this could happen! (Okay, did I sound racist or something?… I am not trying to be. My ancestry tree did begin somewhere in China too ya know). Personally speaking I have no problem about marrying a Chinese Mafia if that means I could in get to watch free DVDs and live in Signal Hill all my life … I am what you call a movie buff or … a scheming-gold-digger. Whatever strikes you as OKAY.

OKAYYYYYYYY.

Does it help if I tell you that I just woke up from a fitful two-hour sleep? Because I really don’t know what I am talking about. The lack of sleep does things to my brain.

 

HAVE A MERRY X’MAS EVERYONE!

Run Bee, Run!

The clock starts ticking and the gold pendulum swings….

Man… Probably the most mysterious species on our planet. A mystery of unanswered questions. Who we are? Where do we come from? Where are we going? How do we know what we think we know? Why do we believe in anything at all? Countless questions in search of an answer… and all answers lead to new questions. So on and so forth.

But in the end…. isn’t it always the same question? And always the same answer? The ball is round and the game lasts 90 minutes. It’s a fact! Everything else is pure theory.

- Narrator, Run Lola, Run!

I’ve been running around with Lola! She’s a very special girl because she could go back to the very last twenty minutes of her life over and over again so that she could fix everything that went wrong in the last twenty minutes of her life. At first I thought maybe there’s something wrong with the people who made the film because WHAT COULD YOU FIX IN 20 MINUTES? Why can’t she go back to one hour ago or a year ago or five years ago?

If you could rewind the last twenty minutes of your life what would you fix? If I could rewind the last twenty minutes.. what would I fix? What COULD I fix? Heck if I know! But if I could rewind to 1997 I would go to my mum and tell her to get pap smear at least once a year and all will be well..

I am Jack’s sad life.

Eid ul Adha

Eid ul Adha, that’s how they spell it in English. But I like to spell it like this Aidiladha, the Malay way. A little girl on the tube defines it as “It’s the holiday where they kill all the lembus (cows)…”. I thought it was a rather barbaric way to explain what Eid ul Adha is… but that definition had me laughing for days – it’s interesting to see things from a child’s black and white point of view.

So, it’s Eid ul Adha and I am home alone. I am barricading myself in my room , listening to depressing songs and eating baked beans straight out of the can. It’s a bit sad. I think I’ve hit a new personal low. If I continue to live like this I might end up being depressed again. Wait, what am I saying? I am already depressed and I am only a few heartbeats away from being suicidal again… but I am not going to go there, at least not today. Today, I want to code a new layout for Prozak Nation or at least come up with a new theme or something. How’s that for a reason to live?

Don’t worry. If I am going… I am going out with a bang!

Lonely Lunch

Today is supposed to be a great day! I finally got the courage to pull a strategic disappearing act and my phone hasn’t ring even once since this morning (which means that no one in the office even noticed that I am not in my lab, YAY!). But Amy has gone home for xmas and Cat… well, Cat is being her usual self (secret rendezvous with Legolas again, no doubt! That little slut!).. and I am feeling a little bit lonely.

So instead of watching NANA, here I am having my lonely lunch in this crowded fast-food restaurant… bleh. I miss my lab!

The Strategist

Tomorrow instead of attending the APC ( Employees’ Excellence Award or whatever.. ) and accept the scroll of paper they so kindly bestow upon my humble but worthy self, I am going to pull a very thrilling and strategic disappearance act. If you have that close circuit camera pointed at my desk, you will not see me tomorrow. I would be at home, watching NANA.

Mimi, I am becoming the epitome of lazy go-men servant. But don’t tell anyone!