Dare to Be
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –
At all times, Dare to be!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I was put in a difficult position earlier this year. It turned my world upside down and it made me question whether I want to continue on living in the path that I had chosen for myself. It made me question everything and in the process of doing that I learned that I hated everything about my life. So I thought, maybe this is it… this LIFE, this PATH that I am walking on… maybe this is the problem. If only I could change it. If only I could be away from it… Everything would be better again. It would have been a great realization if I had known what to really do about it. Back then, my idea of changing everything was to run away. To apply for new jobs. To immerse myself in activities that took me away from thinking about my life at that particular moment. I thought that if I could travel to places and meet new people and do new things I could somehow change my life. So that’s what I did. I ran to places far away. Sometimes for real and sometimes only inside my head. You know what they say about people who travel all the time? They’re all running away from something…. I believed that to be partly true. At least it was true for me.
I really had no idea what I was doing. I thought it was the negative environment that was making me feel like I was suffocating to death and I am not going to lie, every time I escaped to another place, I really did feel better. Going to other places gave me the sort of rush that nothing else in this world could give me. It made me feel alive after being dead for a long time. But of course, those insane rush were temporary. I’d go back home and it disappeared. The next thing I know I was suffocating again and desperately planning to go on another trip again. It was an endless cycle of trying to make things better and failing. At one point, I just gave up. I hit the low of lows and I was thinking that maybe that was it for me. I thought I was going to be doomed to feel restless and out of breath for the rest of my life. I thought, at one point life just stops moving and there’s no point in trying to push things further. I was wrong. But of course it took me quite a long time to figure that one out.
When you’ve lived with depression for a long time, you’ll notice how things tend to be just black and white for you. There’s no grey area. You alternate between two extremes. Happy and Sad. Insane and sane. Highest highs and the Lowest lows. This was how I view things. If I am not happy that means I am sad. If it’s not white… it’s the blackest of black. So due to this, it took me a long long time to recover from a fall. I cried for months. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. I cried buckets and then I realized that I could no longer cry. So I became angry. I was angry for a long long long time and then someone saved me. It came in a form of a friend who came to my aid when I was incapable for pulling myself up from the floor. I can’t remember exactly how it happened, but one day I woke up and said to myself NO I WILL NOT DO THIS TO MYSELF ANYMORE. I told myself: yes, someone did this to you. Someone pushed you till you fell on your knees. But if you don’t get up, it’s going to be your fault. If you’re going to let a scrape on your knees defeat you… it’s going to be your fault! … and just like that everything changed. Well, it was not as easy as I made it sound… but, things changed. Gradually and then suddenly. The next thing I know I am back on my feet again. I am standing on my own and I am moving towards something now rather than running away from things that I can’t control.
You hear people say this in motivational seminars (etc etc). It may sound very easy but very hard to do. But once you’re able to do it, you’ll be able to beat any challenges. The secret is inside you. Your thoughts are projected into your life. Think good things and good things will come to you. Dare to live and let live. Don’t let anything or anyone upset you. Feel what YOU want to feel. Don’t let others influence you into feeling bad about yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you start blaming others for your unhappiness then something is wrong with you.
Even though I used to feel like I have been pushed away to a place that made me feel so small and vulnerable. I feel like it is my obligation make this as a better place for me. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonades, right? I am in a better place now and in a better state of mind. Better than before and stronger too. I could look behind me and be grateful, to that person who stood behind me and pushed me down that flight of stairs because if I hadn’t fallen… I would never know that I could heal. I would never know how to climb back up and LIVE.
Yup, I am good now. My life is great. I forgive you for everything. May you have a good life pushing people down flight of stairs and may they all learned something from that experience and thank you later for it. Thank you.